John's Loud Raspberry From Another Galaxy

by Matt Price (The Sketch) - The Australian

Were pollsters to quiz punters about whether they thought John Howard was genuinely delighted about becoming a grandfather, it's likely 20 per cent of respondents would believe the Prime Minister was merely feigning happiness to maximise his election chances.

A further 15 per cent would insist the PM was trying to wedge the Opposition ("I'm a pop and he's not") while a few conspiracy theorists would convince themselves Melanie wasn't really pregnant and the whole thing was a hoax orchestrated out of Liberal headquarters.

Which is a long-winded way of suggesting that cynicism about Howard's actions and motives in election year is hard-wired. He understands you can never please everybody - stick around and you'll accrue plenty of enemies, and sometimes the calibre and stridency of your foes can make you plenty of friends.

But no amount of culture war-mongering or scolding of Howard hatred can sanitise the loud and painful raspberry in yesterday's Galaxy Poll. It's fair to concede there's a degree of prodding in the question: Do you think John Howard is addressing problems in Aboriginal communities because of the upcoming federal election or because he really cares about the problem?

But when only one in four people will give the elected leader of the nation the benefit of the doubt when he professes to tackle catastrophic violence and sexual abuse in indigenous communities, something weird and unedifying is happening.

Apparently it's not just Alan Carpenter and Bob Brown, but a solid majority of Australians who reckon the NT mission is ballot-box driven. Thus, rather piteously, Howard is reduced to pleading his motives.

"It's not electioneering," he told breakfast telly. "I simply look you in the face and say this has been driven by my belief this is the right thing to do."

It was almost comforting to eschew the unsettling bipartisanship of recent weeks for a bout of familiarly feral union bashing.

With the steel-boot brigade already reeling from Kevin Rudd's order to "jump in the lake", the Labor leader redoubled his attack with a terrifying warning to Unions NSW chief John Robertson to "take a cold shower".

The Sketch has learnt that Rudd will "tell my mum" the next time a union braggart causes national embarrassment.

Robertson is the latest union boss to express astonishment that his speech to several hundred people - at a public meeting in the PM's electorate - might have been recorded.

Odd nobody noticed the little bloke in the corner with glasses and eyebrows, wearing earphones, in a green tracksuit and pretending to be a grandfather.