Thursday February 09, 2012
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Humour

Famous British Sporting Quotes

  1. 'This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother.'
    Ted Walsh (Horse Racing Commentator)

  2. 'Moses Kiptanui - the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago.'
    David Coleman

  3. 'He's pulling him off! The Spanish manager is pulling his captain off!'
    RTE's George Hamilton on Spain manager Luis Suarez's substitution of Butragueno during their world cup qualifier with Ireland in Seville, 1992.

  4. 'The black players at this club lend the side a lot of skill and flair, but you also need white players in there to balance things up and give the team some brains and some common sense.'
    Crystal Palace chairman Ron Noades, speaking in 1991.

  5. 'Bill Frindal has done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator'
    John Arlott

  6. 'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.'
    Winston Bennett

  7. 'Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious.'
    Alan Minter

  8. 'The racecourse is as level as a billiard ball.'
    John Francombe

  9. 'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'
    Terry Venables

  10. 'We'll still be happy if we lose. It's on at the same time as the Beer Festival.'
    Noel O' Mahony, Cork City boss before the game in Munich

  11. 'I would not say he (David Ginola) is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better.'
    Ron Atkinson

  12. 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it all over their faces.'
    Ron Atkinson

  13. 'It took a lot of bottle for Tony (Adams) to own up.'
    Ian Wright (commenting on his teammate's alcoholism)

  14. 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is kissing the cox of the Oxford crew.'
    Harry Carpenter (BBC TV Boat Race 1977)

  15. 'Here we are in the Holy Land of Israel - a Mecca for tourists.'
    David Vine

  16. 'Morcelli has four fastest 1500-metre times ever. And all those times are at 1500 metres.'
    David Coleman

  17. 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.'
    Metro Radio

  18. '....and later we will have action from the men's cockless pairs ...'
    Sue Barker

  19. 'Her time is about 4.33, which she's capable of.'
    David Coleman

  20. Dennis Pennis: 'Have you ever thought of writing your autobiography?'
    Chris Eubank: 'On what ?'

  21. 'Sex is an anti-climax after that!'
    Grand National winning jockey Mark Fitzgerald

    'Well, you gave the horse a wonderful ride, everybody saw that.'
    Desmond Lynam

  22. 'To play Holland, you have to play the Dutch.'
    Ruud Gullit

  23. 'Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw.'
    Ron Atkinson

  24. 'For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip.'
    John Motson

  25. 'Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.'
    David Acfield

  26. 'What will you do when you leave football, Jack - will you stay in football?'
    Stuart Hall (Radio 5 live)

  27. 'I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona.'
    Mark Draper (Aston Villa)

  28. 'There goes Juantorena down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class.'
    David Coleman at The Montreal Olympics

  29. 'And for those of you who watched the last programme (Fanny and Johnny Craddock), I hope all your doughnuts turn out like Fanny's.'
    David Coleman at the start of Match of The Day

  30. '...and Ray Illingworth is relieving himself in front of the pavilion.'
    John Arlott

  31. 'These greens are so fast they must bikini wax them.'
    Gary McCord on the greens at Augusta

  32. 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee-shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them - Oh my God, what have I just said?'
    USTV commentator

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